On rich pampered tourists

Rich papered tourists are lame. First, though, let me explain the trip that led me to this conclusion.

On Tuesday, I got up at 4:30 to make it to the bus stop by 5 so we could catch a bus to the Holiday Inn downtown so that we could catch the other bus that left at 6. Waking up at 4:30 is really not so fun. Anyway, the whole group made it on time and nobody missed the bus. When we got on, there was one other person on the bus. That was nice because we got first dibs on seats, but then we also got to sit around while the bus drove around for an hour and 15 minutes to stop at all the swanky pampered tourist hotels and pick up all the swanky pampered tourist families. It didn't help that we were all starving at this point, so having to drive around to all those extra stops before breakfast did not make me happy, especially because all those papered tourists probably had a pampered breakfast prepared for them in their pampered hotel. Anyway, we did all finally make it to the rest stop where breakfast was served. Unfortunately, breakfast was lame. It was rice and beans, scrambled eggs, bread, and platanos. Drink choices were carrot juice or coffee. Now, I don't mind rice and beans, but I've eaten A LOT of rice and beans since I've been here. I have a feeling my "I hate rice and beans" breakdown blog entry is not too far away. I probably would have eaten them anyway, but they were cooked with a bunch of cilantro. I hate cilantro; I think it tastes like soap. I also didn't eat much of the eggs because I don't like eggs by themselves, and I wasn't in the mood for the platanos. So I ate bread for breakfast. With water to drink. I was not a very happy camper.

After one or two more stops at swanky pampered tourist hotels, we finally made it to the boat we were taking out to Isla Tortuga. We got off the bus and onto the boat, and then we rode ... I dunno... it was definitely more than an hour out to the island. We got there, got a quick orientation session by the "English-speaking" tour guide (more on that later) and got a chance to sign up for snorkeling. I thought that sounded like fun, so I signed up even though it cost $10. Well, they said it cost $10, but it was 5,500 colones, which is actually like $11. Gotta love the bait and switch. Snorkeling was pretty fun. They gave you equipment and took you out to a rock off shore, and then you could look around at the fish under the water. The water wasn't super clear, but you could certainly see stuff. When we got back, it was lunch time. We got ceviche, assorted salads, pasta salad, chicken, rice, platano chips, and some kind of pound cake stuff for dessert. I didn't try the ceviche or the salads, but the pasta salad was pretty good. The chicken was good, the rice was mediocre, and the platano chips were good but not great. The pound cake was mediocre. After that, I went and played sand volleyball for a while with some people from the group, some of the local(?) people, and a few other random people from the tour. I rinsed off after an hour or two of that, and pretty much just goofed off until it was time to leave. I was perturbed that there were no fresh-water showers for us to use. Salt water leaves you sticky-feeling for HOURS.

It took them forever, but they did finally get us all loaded back onto the boat. We rode another ... however long it was back to the mainland, and then we loaded back on the bus for our ride home. Naturally, we had to drop all the pampered tourists off at their rich swanky hotels on the way back, which meant that those of us at the last stop (us) had to wait even longer to get home and get food. We were all so starving by the time we rolled into San Jose that we practically RAN to the nearest eating establishment (McDonald's) and inhaled food.

Okay, so up 'till now, it probably sounds like I don't like rich pampered tourists because I'm jealous or bitter. Really though, I'm not, or not like it sounds. I don't like the rich pampered tourist because they're so ... rich .... and pampered. That tour was so fake. Fake fake fake. They play it off like you're "seeing Costa Rica," but I'm sorry, that's not really Costa Rica. Yeah, it's part of it, but where's the interaction with the people? With the culture? Eating beans and rice and eggs for breakfast does not mean you have experienced the Costa Rican culture. All the tour guides spoke English, we could all go order our beverages in English. The one guy who was giving directions the whole time would say whatever he had to say in Spanish, and then he'd repeat himself in somewhat broken English. I understood what he was saying in Spanish, so it just annoyed me to have to hear him repeat EVERYTHING again in English. All those tourists are cheaters, that's what they are. They're getting the Cliffs Notes version of Costa Rica on their pampered English-speaking tours and in their pampered English-speaking hotels. For them, it's like America with a new dose of scenery and activities. They take their little cushy, kosher, pre-planned tours to hit the highlights of the country, and the never experience anything else -- good, bad, interesting, different, eye-opening ... pick an adjective, any one you like. Dear rich pampered tourists: Yes, congratulations, you've "been" to Costa Rica. You know what, though? I've BEEN to Costa Rica. Chew on THAT for a while!

I probably make this sound like this experience wasn't a lot of fun. I don't do that intentionally because it WAS a lot of fun. Food deprivation, having to be around a bunch of rich pampered tourists wearing adventure hats and flashing $100 bills, and listening to directions be repeated obnoxiously in English kind of put me in a cranky mood, I guess, but I had fun nonetheless.

On the bus ride home, I noticed two funny things. The first: They actually have signs that say, "Carretera en mal estado" (Highway in bad shape). Like, seriously? They take the time to identify and add signage to those roads, but they can't fix them? They don't have an army for heaven's sake! I know they spend that money on health and education and social services, but really, a little infrastructure development wouldn't hurt. The second: At the toll plaza, there was a flashing sign. It said (translated version), "Costa Rica loves peace, but there is a war on the highways. Drive responsibly." That cracked me up. Traffic is pretty crazy, though.